I was 16 years old when I became pregnant with my oldest daughter, Evelyn. I was young, inexperienced and immature. I had chosen to sin against God and my parents and made a choice to have sex before marriage. The results of that was a child. A child that never asked to be brought to this earth, yet was on its way. Being 16 my reaction was honestly… It’s not a big deal. I thought to myself “Ok, I made this choice knowing the outcomes and here they are. Now it’s time to stop crying and deal with it”. Easier said than done.
You see my parents were pastors and they had sat me down and explained fornication but now what I had done in God’s eyes, I sang and played drums/bass in the worship team and was sat down until I fixed my sin. This is the proper way to do it. (Christian parents please know it’s more than singing or playing its ministering to people of God. If you know your child is deep in sin you should sit them down until they have fixed it with God) Anyway, the options were should I abort the child? Many came to this conclusion and I just couldn’t even imagine doing that. Should I give the child and place it up for adoption? That’s what some suggested still to the day of my daughters birth. I just knew I had to take responsibility for this soul and learn along the way. Should I give the child to my parents so I can live my life? WHAT life?! I would not be able to function knowing I had a child I wasn’t taking care of. Should I ask my then “baby daddy” to take her? Not at all. These are all ways I’ve seen parents handle their teenagers when caught in this sin. I know this is very unpopular in our world and I know many would consider them self’s better parents that mine because of their decision on how to deal with my fornication. Marriage.
“How dare they choose for a 16 year old what’s best for her, clearly she’s smart enough to to make good decisions!” Right? Ha! I wish more parents would chose what’s best for their idiotic 16 year old’s. “That’s the pastors family?!” I would hear. “I would never allow my child to have sex before marriage!” Some said, that was my favorite one since these people clearly thought my parents gave me the green light to sin. These people didn’t realize I’m a sinner too. I made these choices when my parents thought I was in school. They never let me out of their sight. My only time was school. At 16, kids are selfish. I was never one to be selfish about things but still the decisions I made, were clearly out of my own fleshly desire not thinking of my parents ministry that they later lost partly because of what I did. That’s selfish. Try caring that on your shoulders.
My parents with all wisdom and faithfulness to God did what they saw to be right and went to the court house and asked the judge to marry me to someone I hardly knew. 4 months to be exact. The judge, since I was 16 had to choose. Not my parents. She did a background check on his family and mine and determined I should not. But my parents asked her to let them do what’s right in God’s eyes and she said yes. So there I was, 16, pregnant and married to a guy I hardly knew and who also wasn’t Christian oh and who was of a different culture and age. How was I going to win? By the time my daughter was born January 10th 2008, I was 17 and five months married. Didn’t know how to cook, I thought my apartment was “clean”. I had no idea what to do as far as being a wife to someone so different from me.
So you might ask “why did your parents make you get married? And are you resentful they did that”?
As a Christian I understood fornication. Sex before marriage. I understood what God had said about the topic. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. So knowing this, I knew the baby wasn’t a sin. What I had done was a sin. The bible says to repent and confess. When I found out what I had done, what it really meant my heart hurt, I couldn’t breath, I felt a pain in my heart for what I had done. 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Having a relationship with God again made me understand and what I had to do. I wasn’t perfect all of a sudden I just understood what I was to do as a wife and mother but still had much to learn. I was to be responsible for the baby and to be of an example to my unconverted husband of age 19. My husband not being Christian and me now being could have been an excuse for me to get rid of him and on with the next. But that’s not how God works. We must be wise and fight for our homes until the very last day. 1 Corinthians 7:13-14 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. Not a very popular way to see things but this how God was telling us to do things. This is how I believe any Christian believing wife should handle it first. Now, do I hold it over my parents head that they made me get married? Absolutely not. Proverbs 20:7 The righteous who walks in his integrity blessed are his children after him. My parents knew what to do and I had to honor that. Up until then I made decisions on my own that lead me where I was. I’m thankful. If it had been up to me, I would of never gotten married and my husband would of never known Jesus and I would of never learned to be responsible, I would of never learned that there are consequences to my actions, I would of never stopped being selfish, arrogant, bratty and disrespectful. I would of never learned to love God the way I do and that sometimes tough love is needed but trusting God and being faithful is always good and he is just to bless the marriage that is fixed. To be clear I don’t judge single moms and I believe an abusive relationship is no relationship and would NEVER condone anyone to marry an abusive man. Men addicted to drugs and alcohol, only God can work in that if they open their hearts to him. Or if they leave you. But the Christian excuses I hear are not of God. We had EVERYTHING going against us. Our age, I was 16 he was 19. I was a new Christian, he didn’t know who God was or why I was acting “different”, our race, he was American and I was Mexican, many of the things we saw were a BIG deal he thought were normal. Racism, I was called a dog because he mixed his race with me. All this and more and we had NOTHING in common but our sin. The only thing that brought us together was GOD. But because I was faithful to God in being of example, Chris opened his heart to God. This took 4 years by the way. Fixing our sin he was faithful to us in leading us, cleaning us and preparing us to where we are. I can’t imagine life without my daughters, without my husband, I couldn’t imagine where I would be. As I look forward to turning 25, September 29th. I look back at our short 8 years of marriage how much God has restored, renewed, fixed, and loved us. How my parents decision was the start to my happy life in Christ. To my husbands coming to repentance and restoration. To our family and the future we will create. I pray today that if you’re single because a man left you with a child that you will seek God’s will and forgiveness If you’ve sinned like I and you’ll see how God will lead you to a life of marriage one day. If you’re a teen mom to not give up and look to the one who knows your name, surround yourself with Godly women who will guide you. If you’re a parent who knows God, to pray for wisdom and do his will and let us not be like the priest Eli who never corrected his son’s and look how he ended up. Never be afraid as a parent to do the Lords will even if your kids don’t agree or like it. Better is to please the lord and not men. I pray we may encourage younger woman to wait until marriage. To encourage those unequally yoked to be their spouses salt and light. I love Gods ministry of restoration. This is just a little bit of what God has done in our life’s and I hope its of blessing.