My heart aches with thankfulness 

Today I was looking out my kitchen window and I just can’t help but smile. I look at how far God has carried my family, my husband and myself. Words can’t describe how God has molded us and continues to mold us.

I remember living in a basement with my husband as newlyweds and being 2-3 months pregnant. My husband was a telemarketer (sorry if he called you) haha, he made $250 a week. Even if that was small, I knew it was God sent. I think back at so many bad memories like when we financially struggled, when my husband and I were on the edge of divorce, when I had terrible health and when one of  my daughter almost died. All that. All of it, prepared us for what we are seeing now and what we will one day see.

My daughters know nothing of it yet, but deep inside I smile because I know that only God did it by his grace. He is my strength, he is my treasure he is my all in all, as that precious song declares. I would be a fool to take any credit for my life. Without God we were lost and empty, without conviction to do better.

When I see out my window, my girls playing with our dog, as my music blares the gracious sound of Gods word I tear up. Not because of what I have physically but because of what was given to me when I didn’t deserve it. Grace. Forgiveness. Love. Peace. Hope. Marriage. Family. There will always be hard times, but I know that everything we go through will be for a reason. Maybe good, maybe bad but regardless every part of my life feels like a puzzle coming together but all at the same time it’s a 60 million piece masterpiece. Never ending life experiences, feelings, good and bad. We have a God who helps us. Even if the outcome was terrible. I can tell you with all meekness that I am TERRIFIED but I can tell you with all boldness that it will be ok.

My hope is not based on income, status or followers. My hope is in Jesus because we have had a lot, and we’ve had little. We have had good and bad. We have had many friends and few. None of it gave us what God offered us. Not saying money is evil, total misconception. The love for it and the self seeking of it for self gain is different. I don’t think status is evil, using that status to lead others astray though… Same with friends, they are not evil just choose them wisely. My hope is in Jesus.

My heart feels like it’s going to explode as I write this. I will never have the right words to elequently express how much God has transformed our marriage, our life’s and our family. The process was painful and sad, filled with madness and rebellion at times but I see why God is so wise and why he calls us to do things that might make us look insane.

God looks down on you and sees you, his heart hurts to see bad things happening. We were made to worship him but out of our sin we created all things bad. Not God. He gave us free will to choose him. When we don’t we are always capable of madness. Even people who declare Jesus commit terrible deeds. Your choice is: Will you except Jesus? All we can do is give our heart to him, repent, stay away from the things that take us away from his heart and seek him. God never promised a perfect life, money or fame. You will face difficulties, you will face pain, you will face hurt and the only one able to heal it is .Jesus. Glorious Jesus.

For as many years as God allows me to live looking out this window I want to always remember that he did it. Not me. I am a vessel that he filled because I opened the door of my heart.I am nothing without Jesus. I have so much to learn but one thing I know 100%, Jesus did it by his grace. My hope is in him.

2 thoughts on “My heart aches with thankfulness ”

  1. Anna that is so beautiful! If it could be that we all could learn this, and I mean truly learn it, not just give lip service to it, at such a early point in our lives, what a wonderful thing it would. I will pray that you and your entire family will continue in God’s light through Jesus.

    Liked by 1 person

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