8 Things I Have Learned About Marriage by Kalie Land


Kalie Land is a devoted wife and mother, whose love for God shines through her blog to inspire women young and old to follow Jesus. Not only does she share the word or God through a blog, but was gifted with beautiful handwriting that she uses to Glorify God and shares many beautiful pieces on her Instagram page. I feel honored to know such an amazing woman of God.

You can find here here:

So My Soul Longs Blog
Instagram // @somysoullongs 

8 Things I Have Learned About Marriage

**Disclaimer: I am in no shape or form a master of any of these. I am perfectly imperfect and fail each and every day; multiple times a day, in fact. I am still learning and I will never stop learning. These are just a few things I’ve begun to learn and continue to grow in that I thought may prove helpful for another. Thanks for reading.

     Date Your Husband.

Dating your husband may sound silly if you are married; after all, marriage is a lot more than simply dating, right? But that is just it “simply.” Let us not forget about the simple things we founded our marriage upon. By dating our husband, we are given some time together to reminisce over the reasons why we married in the first place! Let’s face it we don’t get married to share the same bank account, do our spouses’ laundry, clean the toilet a man has used or learn how to cook for a picky eater; No, we get married because we want to spend the rest of our lives with this human. We got married because we saw stability, love and trust in this human. So, date your husband. Leave the house how it is, pull your hair out of the messy bun (and maybe take a shower), put on something besides yoga pants and your husband’s shirt, drop the kids off at the grandparents’ and go on a date with your husband!

Having Kids Won’t Make Your Marriage Better. 

Stay with me, here. For those who are freshly married and maybe marriage isn’t what you thought it would be and still do not have children; please, please, please do not think for one second that having children will change the issues within marriage only Jesus can heal marital issues. I am saying this in the most passionate way possible, with all of my heart. Children, with the help of Jesus, have the ability to change the heart of people; but a child will not make marriages come out of the depths hopelessness, I repeat: only Jesus can do this! The reason I say this is to not discourage you to have children, but to encourage you to strengthen your marriage with one another, first. The first few months of a child’s life is usually very difficult and not much sleep, if any sleep, actually happens (and there’s definitely not much intimacy taking place!).

 Putting Husband Before Children and to Submit to Husband in All Situations.

Yes, that is two, I know (they go hand in hand!). Now, there are different circumstances within this (blended families, etc.), but I am expressing what I have learned within my marriage in hopes it may encourage at least one person.

If husband was my husband before children, husband comes first. It’s biblical. It’s what Jesus calls us to do.

If you are a wife, you must put your husband first. Even if he opposes our message, you will win him over by what you do. No one else will have to say anything to him, because he will see how you honor God and live a pure life. 1 Peter 3:1-2 (CEV)

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Colossians 3:18 (NIV)

Submitting to our husband is first and foremost, of course after submitting to the Lord. If your situation is similar to mine, and children were born after the marriage happened, then husband must be first priority (of course not to delay the children’s food/water and health/well-being). This has been something that has been shaped over time. I have not been the submissive, Proverbs 31 wife since day one; nor am I her to this day, but I am closer to that wife than I was at day one. This is key: always striving to be better, do better, love more, do more, all in Jesus’ name and nothing more. Hubby will receive the blessings from your putting the Father first and foremost.

 To Put Myself Second.

I had asked my husband what he has learned about marriage and this was the first thing he stated. So humbling, so true. Yet, I am guilty of being selfish all throughout our marriage, looking back now. This is something I am still learning and growing in day by day. I think we all are. As a naturally sinful being (thanks, Eve) it is difficult to unfailingly put my husband before myself. I tend to take steps backwards in my growth in this. It is a constant pursuit and must be lead with great intention and hope in the Lord to press on. I have learned that in persistently pursuing Jesus to help me in putting myself second, there have been less arguments (note where I said ‘less,’ we still have disagreements and petty fights). Bitterness and the list of tally marks (yep, you’re not the only one who has kept tally on who did what!) have been washed away because Jesus shines a light in us and through our actions to where our spouse may surely see the difference.

 It’s Easier to Admit When You’re Wrong Than to Fight About It.

Choose your battles! Lord knows this has been a life saver for my husband and I. He is better at this than I am. My pride gets in my way, far too often, and up until just recently I probably never admitted when I was wrong. Jesus has done a huge work in me with this and I have seen a great improvement within our marriage. Always seek improvement! We are never perfect, so always continue growing!

It’s A Lot Easier When You’re Married to Your Best Friend.

I am married to my best friend and there are still days where, although I LOVE him, I may have moments where I do not LIKE what he did or said. I couldn’t imagine our relationship not being built on a friendship first. Because marriage is tough already, so if you don’t like your spouse, pray, pray, pray to our Father in Heaven that you may develop a great friendship with them.

 Without Jesus, It Won’t Work.

At least not for the long haul. There are the exceptions where one spouse is pursuing after Jesus, there is room for growth there room for God’s power, we aren’t talking about these marriages. Nowadays, when divorce rates are sky-rocketing and it seems easier to throw the whole house away instead of just changing the light bulb that burned out. Without Jesus marriage is HARD. Heck, marriage is hard WITH Jesus! But it does become easier with Him. The arguments, fights and disagreements my husband and I have had in the past have all generally occurred because one of us (usually myself) was not seeking Jesus’ way in the situation at hand. If you’re married and you both are not seeking Jesus and your marriage is not as smooth sailing as you would like for it to be, I am begging you… please just surrender your marriage, your life, your all to Jesus. His way is good. His way is pure. His way is the way, the truth and the life.

“Lord,” said Thomas, “we do not know where You are going, so how can we know the way?” Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:5-6 (NIV)

 What are some staple tidbits you’ve learned from your relationship or marriage? What have you learned from your season of singleness? What have you learned from a marriage gone wrong and a divorce to follow? God moves in all situations and is fully present when we allow Him the room to move freely. He does not move where He is not wanted.Open up and allow Him to move, would you do this with me, sister?

For His Glory,


1 thought on “8 Things I Have Learned About Marriage by Kalie Land”

  1. Thank you so much for this blog post Kalie. I am currently still in my single season and just reading this helped me see just a snippet of what happens in a marriage. A lot of the points you described are things that I can see will be helpful in my future marriage. The best of them all is making sure you marry your best friend, I’ve heard this from a lot of married couples and I can see how it would make the marriage easier with open communication and just being yourself with Jesus at the top. I’m not going to rush the process, but I do see some areas where I can better myself before going into a marriage.


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