How to change your husband 

1 Corinthians 7:14 For the Christian wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the Christian husband brings holiness to his marriage.

When women ask me how I “got” my husband to change I always respond with two things:
1) only God can change a man’s heart

2) what are YOU doing to bring him closer?

So many times we as wives are the reason arguments start. Call it lack of wisdom really, many times we are the reason there is stress in the home. What I always go back to is, are you acting like a child of God or his mom? Men don’t need a mom, they need a wife who listens to God. Though they might not know what Jesus might look like they should be able to know there’s something different about you.

The Jesus in YOU.

Here’s an example from my marriage, I knew my husband would get upset when I would tell him what to do (what man doesn’t right?), so when I came to Jesus the way I spoke to him was one of my convictions from God. He noticed that I went from nagging, condescending, loud to calm, humble and respectful. I started asking, “would you mind doing this?”, or “what do you think if we did this”. Simple right? You should have seen him face when I changed my way of “telling him what to do“.

As wives we see the potential in our husbands and want to change him so bad so he can see that he can’t do this! Our approach is all wrong.

We can’t change him, but we can change our self and through that our husbands can, soften their hearts and come to Jesus one day or get so mad that you’re different and ask WHY on earth are you nice to me?! Or as my husband’s said, ” there’s something different about you. “

Windows of opportunity to show Jesus.

Now once in a while I meet women with husbands who just won’t change and they choose to leave them because they just can’t be near the light. This a whole new kind of darkness in a man. But let us NEVER be the reason our husbands leave us, what I mean is, as a woman of God the LAST thing we should seek, is to leave our husbands, to “teach them a lesson”.

1 Corinthians 7:12-15 “To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace”.

** if you are in a physical violent relationship this does not apply sisters, get help.

I have seen hard men turn to God AFTER the wife has decided to come to Jesus and change the tone of the house. I’ve seen men ask about Jesus AFTER they notice their wife was “different“.

I’ve seen men change and I’ve lived it. There’s nothing God can’t change, when we allow him to , but as women we are the ones who crack the door open for Jesus to come in to our husband’s lives and by that I mean letting him rule your personal life and your actions.

Here’s another example from my marriage, when my husband would invite me to partake in things I no longer deemed to be glorifying God I NICELY declined. I didn’t go on preaching to him about him being a sinner… my husband had no idea who this JESUS was and much less why it was a sin. Another example, I didn’t deny him his right to be intimate with me as punishment. That’s right ladies, I still loved him and showed it when possible. Many times I’ve known of women who deny their husbands sex because they are now, “too Holy” for him so they let it be known. This infuriates husband’s and if you’re husband isn’t Christian and has a problem with women and sex… and you KNOW you are being a stumbling block then you have set the perfect situation for the enemy to bust in and play with your marriage. Many women still can’t understand this one because they feel they are being played with when really it’s an open door to show that God created sex and it’s beautiful. If you were to ask my husband he would say to you “there was something different about the way you loved me and I noticed”. 

If we want our husbands to change, we must be an instrument in God’s hands. We must come to Jesus and let him change us first and allow God’s spirit guide us and our husbands will notice. We are not called to baby sit our husbands but we as Christian women are called to do good to them for the rest of their lives as scripture says. Doing good to them sometimes, no, many times calls us to repentance as wife’s and to change. Not so our husbands can be happy, but to see we can be Holy in the eyes of God. Anything we do that gets us closer to Jesus will impact our husbands. Some may see the impact in days, some weeks, maybe months others years and somethings sadly never. It took my husband four years to comer to Christ and all I had was my personal salvation and a willingness to follow Jesus because I loved God, not because I wanted to control my husbands. In my personal walk with Jesus, somewhere along the way my husband saw it and wanted it too.

Let us pray and ask God to give us the strenght, the patience and the wisdom to reach our husbands. If you are reading this and want God to come in to your life, I beg you, to ask Jesus to forgive you, to give you a new life and that his Spirit come to you and guide you, find a church that disciples and connect with fellow christians, you don’t have to walk alone. Give your life to Jesus friend, I take no credit for my life but if I ever did anything right, it was to follow Jesus and really give my heart to him.

Much love, Ana Nelson


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