For my mama’s trying to conceive. 

I haven’t been able to sleep well the past few weeks and last night specifically, I stayed up thinking about how fast this year went by.

A certain group of people came to mind and I just couldn’t shake them off my mind. I stayed up thinking and asking God for them, I ask God to hear their cry and maybe it’s because I am part of them, maybe it’s because deep inside I know the hurt. For whatever reason, seems like we truly understands the hurt of certain people once you’ve experience a certain life change that leads us right next to the people we prayed for, but really didn’t know what to say for them.

To all my TTC (trying to conceive) ladies. That includes all my IVF mama’s, all my mama’s dealing with infertility, all my mama’s who have lost baby’s on the journey to motherhood, all the mama’s trying for a miracle after a vasectomy reversal and all my mama’s who are trying to adopt a baby. God loves you, he truly does. I think about you all the time, I pray for you before I lay my head to sleep. You are not alone in this even if you feel you are. God hears our cry and he knows the pain of wanting a child and not being able to as easily as other mama’s can. I know the disappointment of those negative tests, I know the late night crying and frustration. I know the money you save up for the next trial, I know the sweat from your brow when you are scared to lose another baby. I know the stress related marriage fights and I know the way your heart feels when a mom announces her pregnancy even if you really are happy and hold no envy. I know, but most importantly God Knows. 

You see, many of you might know from my Instagram that my husband had a vasectomy in March of 2012.

We made a video on our small YouTube channel about our decision here about this time last year. Fast forward to this year 2016 we felt so heavy about our decision and wished there was a way to reverse this vasectomy to continue having children and after looking and searching we found Dr. Wilson a man who out of his own vasectomy conviction left his practice to dedicate his life to giving families like us and possibly you, a chance at having more children with a vasectomy reversal. We were so excited to have this actually be a reality. So we decided to Vlog our journey to Oklahoma. We have a 3 part vlog from leaving our state to, the moment of surgery and coming back home.

I can’t even begin to express my gratitude, the many women who have found us either via Facebook, Instagram or YouTube to share their story of wanting more children or that they are looking for a Dr or to give me words of encouragement when we were new to a process they had already went through.

We had our reversal in March 7th, 2016 and we found out we were pregnant in August this year. As I type this I’m officially five months pregnant with out miracle baby boy. God is good regardless if I had become pregnant or not, but we feel so humbled and forever drowning in gratitude for this new journey. 

I want you to know that you are not alone, my heart becomes overwhelmed when I hear another mama say, “God not my time but yours”. I pray and think about these ladies all the time and I can’t wait to hear what this season of life teaches every single one of us even when we don’t see the good in all of it.

Lord, we come to you today as your humble servant. Father you know what’s in our heart even if we don’t act on it, you know the words that will come out before we inhale to speak them, lord help us to see the good in our heartbreak. I must admit my patience is running low and my heart can’t take it anymore, but I know that your plans are always better than mine. I know and trust that you know what’s best for me, lord teach me to love you more and more. Forgive my unfaithfulness when things don’t go my way and teach me to love you deeper. Lord I give you my plans and I surrender them all to you, take my life and do with it what is best, what will bring me closer to you and help me see what I’m to learn in this hard part of life. Father don’t forget me, don’t leave me alone, father please give me the opportunity to have children and to raise them for your Glory, lord don’t forget my womb, don’t forget my desires to become a mother. Lord I believe you are powerful enough to bless me with a child but I ask that you first help me love you for who you are and not for what you can give me. We love you lord, don’t forget me and hear my cry lord. In your son’s powerful and mighty name we trust you, amen.

There are so many huge TTC communities now that you can look up anything on Instagram #ttc or #vasectomyreversal and you’ll find wonderful women who are all in your walk of life and who have such amazing words to share in a time where it seems no one can sooth you. Don’t walk alone, seek community and seek prayer friends. I love you all and I hope you have the confidence to reach out if you need prayer.

Much love, Ana Nelson

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