When I was beautiful 


Beauty, how many times have we been told that we must look a certain way to be “beautiful”? How many times has society told us that we need to purchase certain products to “feel” beautiful?

Many of my new friends on here don’t know but this hits home for me as it does many women.

When I was 21 years old I was in bodybuilding and my life was about competition and winning shows, I drowned myself in achieving this “goddess” body that I was choosing that goal over my daughters, over my husband and even God. Ridiculous right? Wrong. We all have that ONE thing we can’t seem to let go of, maybe it’s porn, make up, gym, food, binge eating, gossip, lying, video games you name it. Anything taking Gods place is an idol. For me it was my physical appearance. So much so that my husband to make me happy, or so I thought, spent over 12K in body modification so I can “feel” better and be “beautiful ” and win my competitions. Yes. Plastic surgery.

This was me with all my surgeries in 2012

I had breast implants, I also had a tummy tuck and was planning on slathering the Botox I really was convinced I needed along with daily make up and hair routines. That came with wanting more modifications. I was going to the gym 2x a day everyday. I hardly ate in fear of being ugly. When I did eat I would run to the gym literally and work off every calorie I consumed. If I didn’t have that option I tried making myself throw it up. I didn’t spend much time with my then, very small babies. Once my husband pointed out my obsession (we knew of God but we were very much Sunday Christians) I was quick to dismiss him and told him I loved my career more than him and he won’t get in my way of winning my shows.

Why am I sharing this?

Ladies, all of it left me empty. Yes, I was beautiful according to this world’s standards but as I came closer to God (one year later)  I realize I was ugly in Gods standards. I might have had this bodybuilding career at hand, being almost sponsored by big companies but all of that at the end of the day left me wanting more and ultimately leaving me empty. I had lost my love for my home, my daughters, my husband and my opportunity to get closer to God. I didn’t want more children so I didn’t mess up my body and that led to us having a vasectomy that obviously we had reversed as you all know.

Don’t get me wrong, not all women are crazy like me, and it’s not bad to do your hair or make up or even want to look good, but when we make that our source of beautiful… we’ve gone the wrong way. When we hurt our temple (our bodies) to look a certain way or hurting it by lack of self-control it’s not good for us spiritually. Extremes are never good. Ever.

The worlds beauty is always external and trends change. One day those bangs you’re rockin’ won’t be all that cool to the world, those ripped jeans won’t be either. Being super skinny in an unhealthy way isn’t cool, same way being over weight because you feel perfect when you’re not healthy isn’t good. Trust me I’ve also been 200 pounds.

God created us all so different and I find such beauty in the uniqueness of every woman.

I love the way red hair looks on women,  I love the way God created some women with amazing natural curves. There are women who can rock their naturally thin frame, one of my favorites is women with that beautiful chocolate tone skin, that little gap between your teeth. Those beautiful birth marks, those outrageous long legs!

Don’t let the world tell you what beauty is, look in the mirror, examine who God created. Let go of dumb trends and enhance your heart.

Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

1 Peter 3:4 But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

1 Corinthians 3:16 Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you?

Romans 8:6 For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.


This is me now, years later. I get asked all the time… did I remove my implants? Yes I did. Why? When I came to the Lord it was a personal conviction I had and I knew better than to ignore those conviction even if they meant looking “ugly” again. It was so hard for me to do it and i tried hard to justify it but no matter what I did, I always came back to this conviction. It was such a God thing because my explant was free. Yup, that story is such a God story in its self and a confirmation that it was what I was to do but that’s whole other blog (interested? Leave a comment) .

So no I don’t do bodybuilding anymore, instead I build my soul. I don’t run to the gym, I run to Jesus. I don’t starve my self, I starve my flesh instead from what it wants so my spirit can grow. I don’t have a goal, just my home and Jesus. Don’t allow the world to tell you who you are or need to be. Ask God to point out what needs renewing in you, what he wants you to give up for him. It’s not easy but it’s so rewarding.

Much love, Ana Nelson

About She Found Grace

Mother and wife. Lover of all things God created.
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