Dear younger Ana

There are so many things I’ve learned in just a short amount of time about marriage. The first three years (I was 16) or so I strayed from my walk with God and it wasn’t until I was 19 that I returned to Jesus, but for years I struggled to follow Jesus after that and for the first four closer to five years my husband wasn’t a Christian. We finally both committed to our Lord when I was 22 and he was 25. If I could go back to the early years of my marriage I would give myself advise that would have saved me heartaches and my husband headaches. This is what I would say:

Dear Ana, 

Your husband can’t fulfill all of you. 

Your husband isn’t God there for don’t treat him like it, and don’t expect him to act like him, he is human just like you. He is a man in constant battle with his flesh to please God just like you, don’t put the weight on his shoulders to fulfill and replace Jesus. 

Allow him to be a man in search for God and not a man seeking how to please you all the time. Ana, your husband is a gift, your marriage is a gift but have wisdom and don’t expect your husband to NEVER fail you. Don’t expect him to be the one to always make you happy, only Jesus can do that. Seek Jesus. When your husband fails you (because he will) extend Grace the way Jesus gave it to you. When you argue it’s not the end of your marriage, please stop being dramatic and acting like it is. When you argue make it an opportunity to deny yourself of wanting to be right, allow your husband to openly share his heart and accept criticism. Apologize first and from the heart. He’s not God, he’s not Jesus and he’s not the Holy Spirit Ana, please don’t make him your God and don’t expect it either.  Allow room in your married for mistakes, give your husband opportunity after opportunity to grow in Christ though your forgiveness. 

If you truly want to be fulfilled, your cup to be filled to the rim and to pour over, if you want unspeakable joy, love in abundance… seek Jesus

Focus on your salvation and stop looking to see where your husband has failed as a man. Seek Jesus. Return to Jesus Ana. Stop focusing on what your husband needs to work on to become a better man and focus on how you can become a better daughter of God. Ana, listen, I know it’s hard to see the potential in your husband not being used but God is working in him now let God work in you! Seek Jesus

To fall in love you need to choose it, and to stay in love you need to continually forgive.

Seek Jesus. Ana your husband need to see Jesus in yoube wise and don’t lean on your own understanding. Be an example and show grace. Don’t cry to manipulate, don’t sin in your anger, don’t allow Satan to come between you and separate what God has put together. Don’t seek to do only what pleases you, but what pleases God. When you understand all this and you put it to work you’ll see a huge change in your marriage and in your husband. Trust me. Your husband isn’t Jesus, did I mention that? You want to be fulfilled?  Seek Jesus. 

P.S don’t sign the divorce papers. The trials you see now will work for your good one day, don’t give up and… oh yeah, seek Jesus. 

Much love, older Ana.

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