Hi there! I’m Forust! (Aka @ourdearjourney on Instagram) I’ve been a wife to Tim for 6 years and 3 kiddos call me Mama. Lillian is 6, Rosalyn is 4,& Theodore is 4 months.
When Ana (@shefoundgrace) asked me if I wanted to contribute to this, I wasn’t sure what to say. Who me? The mom who’s kids have unbrushed hair most days. The mom who raises her voice too much. The mom who gave the kids Mac & Cheese for dinner 3 nights in a row. (Hey, they had smoothies for lunch, at least!). I don’t feel like I have anything particularly groundbreaking or life changing to say. I don’t feel like I have it together enough, nor do I think I ever will, to tell a mama how to be a good mama. But I can tell you what God has revealed to me the past 6 years of being a mother & how it has turned my heart inside out.
3 things I have learned through being a Mother
With each of my children there has been a prayer that has stood out during each pregnancy/early years. Not because I consciously dedicated them to the time period, but because I was so desperate for God to answer, I prayed them without ceasing. Day and night for months, then years. I feel like I’ve learned a lot from those prayers and so I’ve decided to share them with you.
1- WISDOM. When I was pregnant with Lillian I was young. Because I was the oldest of 7 children, I thought I knew it all. I quickly realized that I knew a ton of how to be a big sister, and next to nothing about mothering. And so I clung to this verse- Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. And I craved wisdom. I reached out to other moms and articles in search of wisdom. But they never satisfied what I needed to hear. It took some time, but I finally asked God. Help me know how to carry this baby. How to birth this baby. Nurse this baby. Teach this baby. Care for this baby when she’s sick. Discipline her with love. Teach her about You. I’d like to tell you I heard back from God right away. But I didn’t have my ears/eyes/heart open to receiving anything. So it took some time. Wisdom isn’t something you acquire overnight. And each new stage we go through I am lacking it immensely. So I’ve learned how to open my heart to hear which way he wants me to go. And He never leads me astray.
2- PATIENCE. When I was pregnant with Rosalyn, we were told there was no baby at 4 weeks. Then again at 5 weeks. And again at 6 weeks. Finally, at 7 weeks we saw her little body and the flickering of her heartbeat on the screen. She was there all along, it just took a whole lot of patience on our part. Romans 12:12 rang in my heart a lot during that time. Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times.I remember praying for patience during that time. Lord, please. Give me patience to see what you’re doing. The rest of the pregnancy was uneventful, except for Lillian. Who was then a toddler and nursing still. Patience, Lord. Please give me patience. She needed so much still and instead of rushing her to potty train, stop nursing,and sleep through the night, I needed to have patience. And trust in the process. The prayer came again when Rosie was a couple months old. She wasn’t gaining weight and was labeled Failure To Thrive. I don’t know about you, but that label made my stomach turn. There was no reason behind it. She had adequate nutrition. We had multiple blood tests done. Everything was in order. She finally began gaining a couple ounces a week around 5 months. We prayed the same prayer, patience. Please give us patience. We knew she was ok. Just tiny. But it was hard watching the scale creep up some weeks and stall others. The same prayer came again during age 3 for her. Tantrums like I’d never seen. Please give me patience so I don’t lose my cool. Show me how you would love her through this. It helped a lot and I truly feel like I am a much more patient mother because God heard me through those times and soothed my anxious,nervous,angry heart.
3- SURRENDER. We decided to start trying for another baby. Both of the girls came after a short time so we figured this time would be the same. The next 17 months were unlike anything I thought I’d ever experience. 17 months of infertility and loss and heartbreak. I finally dropped to my knees, crying my heart out. I told God I only wanted HIS will. No more of trying to make mine work. If it wasn’t his plan for us, I didn’t want any part of it. I told him I was *surrendering* it to him, like I should have done in the first place. So we stopped all medication, all schedules, all temperature taking, all testing, all tracking. And wouldn’t you know it? We conceived that very month. A couple of weeks later I began bleeding. A threatened miscarriage is what they called it. No reasoning for it. I was put on moderate bed rest.. Then again, even more blood this time. I thought for sure we had lost our baby. This time an ultrasound was done by a more experienced ultrasound technician and we were told I had a large Subchorionic Hematoma. Basically there was a blood clot behind my placenta. It could continue to pull my placenta away, resulting in the loss of our baby or it could heal. We were given a 25% chance of it healing. I was told to prepare to bury this baby. Again, we surrendered it over to God. Slowly, very slowly, the hematoma began to heal. We knew we were having a son at this point. We named him Theodore, meaning a gift from God. My risk of severely preterm labor because of the hematoma was still a threat. We were told to prepare for a sick baby who would need an extensive NICU stay. We surrendered it to God. Every single time. Numerous ultrasounds. Numerous blood work. Numerous hospital visits. Every single time, letting it fall off of my shoulders and onto Him. Matthew 11:28 says “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened. And I will give you rest.”
Now I don’t know if it was in God’s plan all along for our boy to be born, or if it was our desperate prayers to Him. But I DO KNOW that my prayers for Him to help me surrender it all to him made all the difference in how we were able to go through those experiences.
We now have a healthy 4 month old little boy who brings us so much joy.. His smile is infectious. His eyes are full of love. I surrendered my worries and though the pregnancy was so hard that oftentimes my heart literally ached, I had never felt closer to my Father.
My prayer now is that sharing these parts of my journey through motherhood would be a blessing to you as you navigate your own paths! Praise be to God, always! 💛
And thank you Ana, for having me on your wonderful blog!
You can find this Mama on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ourdearjourney/