Monday, it feels so good to start a new week. I’m 12 weeks post baby and I’ll be honest when I say that I feel 0 pressure to lose weight or look a certain way. If I do it, it’s for my health and for my kids but for others? Never. Because I feel pressured? Nah.
I let go of all that years ago, when I removed my breast implants all my insecurities, the world’s definition of beauty, the expectations, my vanity, it was all ripped away with those bags of saline.
So many people asked why I would take them out, many people thought I was crazy for removing them. I get it.
But there was a deeply rooted insecurity that only God could set me free from. And when I felt the Holy Spirit convicting me and I felt God calling me to obey… It was hard. It wasn’t something I just said yes to. I was fighting within myself. I desired to be set free from wanting to be someone I wasn’t. From looking at store magazines and turning the other way because I was so sad I didn’t look like those celebrities. From comparison. I wanted to be set free from self harming myself after binge eating and feeling fat. And all together binge eating. I wanted to be set free from constantly wishing I was this and that. Everything but who God made me to be. I wanted to truly be free… But the only way for me was to obey.
I felt God as if he was saying, ” trust me, I will set you free if you just give me this. If you give up what you think you want the most for what you need the most, you’ll be free.”
And so I did. And I was. I was free and it’s been almost 5 years since I can say I’ve felt the need to look a certain way. I literally could care less what people say about my appearance. I let my curly hair grow, I took my make up off, I let myself be who I was.
But that came with a cost, a cost many people do not understand. And I don’t expect them too. It’s my walk with Jesus and this is what I had to do. But I’m free. I truly am.
Thank you Jesus.
So I’m 12 weeks post baby and I choose to be healthy for myself, my kids and for the love of the life God gave me. Health is internal first and it shows externally later.
I take care of myself differently now, though I’ll admit I’m a bit overweight it’s not something I can’t control, something that will drive me to tears. Something that steals my joy. So when people ask me how I’m sooo confident, how I learned to just be so careless with what society says…. It’s a long story.