I was thinking last night about my walk with Jesus. You know what? I’ve come a very long way from the young 16 year old girl who was to become a mother. That 16 year old wife.
– I’m now 28, going on 29 this year, and I look back and think just how much darkness I went through with young motherhood. Through a very selfish marriage. Through my addictions. Through life without God. – –
I got to experience trying to make all those parts of my life work on my own and then I got to experience going through it all with God. It matters!
I can’t imagine where I would have ended up without God’s guidance, without his word, without his Spirit constantly rebuking me, directing me when I took a wrong turn. The nights his Spirit weighed heavy on my souls to do the right thing. – – –
God is so good that he saw me in the deepest, darkest parts and called me his own. I didn’t deserve it, I did anything to boast that I was good enough for it. I’m not, I never will. But he took me, washed me, gave me a new life. A chance to be the mother he called me to be. To serve and love my husband even though I was only in my teens. He gave me the freedom from my addictions. He changed my heart and renewed my mind. –
I’m NOT naturally patient, or gentle, or kind. I’m NOT naturally a “mothering” kind. I’m not naturally a quiet spirit type, I’m NOT naturally good at commitment. I was a thief and a liar just a few I’ll share.
But God. He renewed my mind on all those things. Though I struggle like all people with my attitude, he continues to work in me. I’ll NEVER want to live without God again. Ever. I’m forever thankful for what he did. And for who he is.