Children are such a blessing, but many times my heart aches and I find myself praying over then with tears in my eyes because this world is so full of people that could harm them.
It literally gives me anxiety, takes my breath away, keeps me awake at night, makes me weak, steals my joy. It’s debilitating many times.
I was sexually abused as a child and every now and then I have that dream that breaks me out in a cold sweat. Reminding me I was hurt. That someone took something from me that was should have been mine to give and the enemy uses that to play with my head. Hard.
I know many people will never understand what I’m talking about. Many will think I exaggerate, others will laugh but the fear is HARD to let go of. It’s HARD to let your child do anything, go anywhere without you there. It’s Secord guessing everyones motives. It’s trying to read every person that approaches them. It’s exhausting.
I find myself praying so hard. So hard that my jaw hurts when I’m done pleading for protection, for wisdom, for security over my children. But it remains. I’m not sure if this fear will cause my children to miss something great. I don’t know if this fear will truly pay off. But I still pray to be set free. It’s exhausting. I’m just so tired. I remind myself:
You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble; you surround me with shouts of deliverance. Selah
The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe.
My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold and my refuge, my savior; you save me from violence. I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies.
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
I’m sharing this because I know I’m not alone. And I know that if I share this someone else might just be reached that feels this way. You’re not alone. I’m not alone. We’re not alone. Jesus break this chain in us. Set us free. Give us peace. In Jesus name, amen.